Throwing my stuff away

I am in the phase of my life, whereby I have closed one chapter and am preparing to move on to a new one. As I prepare for the change, I wrote down on my list of 'Things-To-Do' - to carry out a spring cleaning exercise.

But everytime I want to start on it, 2 things happen:

(i) I do not know where to begin, because there are so much junk around.
(ii) I want to throw away some of these junk, but as I have a second look at it, I figured that it might be of use in the future or still hold some value to me.

And just as I was about to give up, I realised that I wasn't the only one facing this BIG personal problem. Sumiko Tan was down with the same problem, as I bumped into her article as I catch up on some of the old news. And in one of the thoughts penned down by her, she shared, "The most painful is when you have a sentimental attachment to the item. Discarding it means you are now saying goodbye foreve to its memory. But must one take such hard and heartless decisions on something that marks a period in your life when you were happy?"

     To know that I am not the only one facing this issue, I feel consoled. But I know I am not going to stop right there. What little progress I make is still a step away from the past and a step closer to the future.

     Echoing her thoughts, decluterring poses many dilemmas but this time round I must do it - and I also want to. And once the detritus of my life has been binned, I'll feel lighter and better able to face the future. I'm sure.

Feeling Unappreciated

As I live in this world, I always like to fill it up with optimism and hope. Today, I realise that maybe I shouldn't.

     I feel that I am taken for granted. People tend to focus on a singular trivial matter and blow it up, negating all the good things that I have done. Sometimes, I wonder - then why be such a good guy?

     I feel that I have been taken for granted:

- By Toastmasters

- By my loved ones

People should realise that it takes 2 hands to clap. If they want the club to help them, then they must first help the club. Without its existence, they wouldn't be there too. If they want to be cared for, then they must first care for others. Without the relationship, there wouldn't be love too.

As dark clouds cover my sunny world, I wonder when the weather will turn out fine once more.

The cost of food

In Singapore, we have heard of this before - food prices are rising. Examples are my chicken rice has gone up 50 cents and my tea has risen by 10 cents. As we complain, I thought it is only a good reminder if we compare ourselves to other cities.

In my recent trip to Beijing, I invested a significant amount of time in food. I guess it must have been the thrill of trying new food, coupled with the cold weather that accelerated my digestion process.

In one of the mornings, I had a egg tart (see photo above) for RMB 1 (S$0.21). And mind you, this is not sold from one of the roadside stalls along a dirty, smelly drain. In fact, it was sold at a confectionery (see photo on the right) fresh and hot, together with many other pastries, along a busy street.

     In one of the evenings, I decided to have a rest at one of the coffee joints. I had a ice-blended coffee for RMB 27 (S$5.68). It wasn't any expensive place - Angel in-Us is just like Starbucks. As I let the price sink into my head, I constantly reminded myself that there are coffees that would cost 5 times more at a hotel.

In a fast-developing city like Beijing, I wonder if the price disparity is too great for me to swallow. While the commoners seem to enjoy the variety of street-sides hawker food, the rich who are few and mighty continue to pile up their wealth.

To this day, I am still gasping at the fact that the coffee costs 27 times more than the egg tart. After this day, I appreciate the price increases of the food in Singapore are still within my means.

Getting to know Heaven

Do I know what Heaven is like? No, but my visit to the Temple of Heaven has given me an insight about it.

The Temple of Heaven (天坛) is one of China's best examples of religious architecture. Construction began in 1406 during the reign of Yongle and took 14 years to complete. Emperor Qianlong later carried out an extensive renovation of the complex which has 3 main buildings and a host of other Taoist structures associated with sacred rites.

History - Each year during the winter solastice, Ming- and Qing- dynasty emperors visited the Temple of Heaven in their capacity as the Son of Heaven in order to offer their prayers, make sacrifices for a good harvest, and present the annual ceremonial report to heaven of the events in the past year.

     For 2 days before the rituals began, the emperor would not drink wine, or eat meat or pungent vegetables, such as garlic and scallions, Instead, he ate simple vegetable dished. He also abstained from sex.

     The day before the ceremony, the emperor - carried in a yellow palanquin (litter) that was borne by 16 men - departed the Forbidden City via the Wu Men. He was accompanied by ceremonial elephants, his master of ceremonies, a cavalry escort packing bows and arrows, dancers, musicians, and eunuchs on horseback decked out in gorgeous robes and carrying paraphernalia for the various rites. In all, the procession composed of more than 200 people.

Visiting the Temple - The temple complex lies in the midst of a great park that's popular with Beijing residents. In the morning, the ground are full of people out for their daily exercise and recreation. When I was there, I saw many groups of residents dancing along with the music, playing card games, practising with their instruments and training their vocals.

The temple's hallmark structure is the Hall of Prayer for Good Harvests (as shown in the photo below). This magnificent blue-roofed wooden tower was built in 1420. It burned to the ground in 1889 and was immediately rebuilt using Ming architectural methods (and timber imported from Oregon). The building's design is based on the calendar: 4 center pillars represent the seasons, the next 12 pillars represent months, and 12 outer pillars signify parts of a day. Together, these 28 poles, which correspond to the 28 constellations of heaven, supports the structure without nails.

People used to respect and worship Heaven,

Through my visit to the Temple of Heaven,

I know that if Heaven throws a bad temperment,

The consequences might be permanent.

I ask - how much truth is there about heaven,

People used to believe it with much innocence,

As they continue to be ignorant,

It did one thing right - to bring people harmoniously together.

Confucius Temple 孔庙

This tranquil temple to China's great sage has endured close to eight centuries of additions and restorations. The complex is now combined with the Imperial Academy next door, once the highest educational institution in the country. The Hall of Great Accomplishment in the temple houses Confucius's funeral tablet and shrine, flanked by copper-color statues depicting China's wisest Confucian scholars. As in Buddhist and Taoist temples, worshippers can offer sacrifices.

The above photo is a 1:1 statue of Confucius (551 - 479 B.C). It was said that he was a tall man in ancient times, measuring 6 feet tall.

One of the highlights is the 'cemetery' of stone tablets. These tablets, or stelae, stand like rows of creepy crypts in the front and main courtyards of the temple. On the front stelae, you can barely make out the names of thousands of scholars who passed imperial exams. Another batch of stelae, carved in the mid-1700s to record record the Thirteen Classics, philosophical works attributed to Confucius, line the west side of the grounds.

I have seen the Stone Tablets, each of them larger than a normal human being and weighs more than a tonne. On each of them were chinese characters, containing the Thirteen Classics. It took Jiang Heng, a scholar, 12 years to complete the writing and another 3 more years to finish the engraving on the tablets. This is one definite way of preserving history with those wise sayings being engraved in stone.

The Imperial Academy was established in 1306 as a rigorous training ground for high-level government officials. The academy was known to be notorious, especially during the early Ming Dynasty era, for the harsh discipline imposed on scholars perfecting their knowledge of the Confucian classics.

In Singapore, we have a rigid education system, whereby my fellow citizens would highlight about the difficulties on being a local student. However, when I read and listen about how tough the education system was in the olden days of China, I began to appreciate how fortunate we are.

I asked myself:
- When do I have to quote all the sayings of wise men?
- When do I have to travel thousands of miles to the capital for an exam?
- When do I have to pass that exam to be termed as successful?

Have today's man become more stupid or have we just assimilate to the vices around us?

What is failure?

"I have a dream", Martin Luther King once said that (on 28 August 1963). I have a dream too. Let's call it Dream A. I want to be a professional, world class speaker / trainer that everyone will yearn to listen to, companies would pay to learn for, and competitors would fear to speak to. Still living that dream, I strive hard at working on my speeches in toastmasters. I have improved in my inspirational style of speaking, but I have stagnated in trying to deliver them convincingly. Maybe that needs practice.

Have I failed? Afterall, I have missed the target - that dream of becoming a professional speaker. Yes, a few might say. But I would say NO. Because I am still clinging on to my dream, even though the furthest I have been is to be the President of a Toastmasters Club and a Division Contest's 1st runner-up in Table Topics. That seems quite a distance away from being the best, but I know I have not failed. It is just not the time  for me to attain that dream.

On the other hand, let's compare it to another dream - let's call that Dream B. If I have dreamt to be a confident speaker who can hold the butterflies in my stomach for 2 minutes, I would have said that I have attained success. Because I have achieved my 'dream'. However, isn't that too lowly to be even considered a 'dream'? And what would I have done after achieving it? Rest on the laurels of having achieved that dream? Maybe I would have, but then I have faltered big-time. Because that is failure. I have set my sights too low.

Comparing Dream A with Dream B, even if I had failed to achieve my earlier dream, i.e. Dream A, I would have succeeded in many more ways than the latter, i.e. Dream B, for it has been set too low and way too simplistic.

Failure is not about missing the target, but aiming too low. How true this is.

Tiananmen Square 天安门广场

The world's largest public square, Tianmen Square was conceived by Mao Zedong as a monument to the omnipotence of the communist party. At 440,000 square metres, the huge expanse of concrete is certainly awe-inspiring. Most visitors get to know it well, as they criss cross it on their way to and fro the Forbideen City, Qianmen, the Chairman Mao Memorial Hall and the Great Hall of the People.

For myself, I knew the place pretty well. On the 1st day, I walked past it in an attempt to conquer the Forbidden City by foot. On my last day, I learnt my lesson. Therefore, I took the train to visit Tiananmen before making my way back to Wangfujing Dajie (王府井大街) by foot. It is really BIG. In its vicinity are 5 train stops, with Qianmen (前门) train station being the most centralised one.

Named for Tiananmen Gate (Gate of Heavenly Peace), the arched 15th century gate just to the north, the square has witnessed some of the key moments in Chinese history. Mao proclaimed the People's Republic of China from Tiananmen Gate to a huge crowd of ecstatic Beijingers. And throughout the Mao era, the square was regularly packed with a million-odd people for parades. In 1989, it was the site of the doomed pro-democracy protests, which ended when tanks rolled across the square.

Seven parallel bridges lead over a stream from the square to the Tiananmen Gate's five doors. In pre-revolution days, the centre bridge and door could only be used by the emperor. Since the arrival of the communists, the door has been crowned with an enormous portrait of Mao, an obligatory photo opportunity for the domestic tourists who swam the square every day.

Tiananmen is populated by numerous police, PLA and plain-clothes officers, ready to pounce at any sign of a protest. Their presence is a reminder that the square is not like public places elsewhere in the world, despite the kids running around and the tourists snapping away.

I experienced it myself. Though it was a gigantic public area, there were metal barricades everywhere. To get into this 'public place', I had to walk to either the EAST or WEST side of the square. There were entrances at both sides; the police officers are hard at work - scanning your bags and making you walk through the metal detector. In the square, there were police officers patrolling and parked police cars.

What a sight to behold -
So big yet so empty,
So crowded yet filled with nothing,
So plain yet rich in history,
I am bewildered by this mystery.

Difficulties in After Death

My dad passed away in 2003. We have to go through this emotional and physical loss. At that point in time, both me and my sister weren't working. We have to tide through the significant drop in income too.

In addition, we handled a long-drawn law suit, suing the doctor for negligience. There were so much paperwork, cost and efforts involved. They ranged from meeting the lawyers, preparing the estate to getting the letter of probate.

Moving on to year 2010, the final strings of my dad's estate are still not done. There is still a bunch of under-valued stocks that we are trying to get them out from the CDP account. "It's still money", my Mom reckoned. Our efforts proved futile at SGX, DBS and CDP. Today, we tried out luck at POSB. My Mom and I spent an hour and a half there, only to be told that they can help us send the necessary documents to CPF but we would have to await for their approval before they send us more documents to fill up. My Mom retaliated with a long list of complaints. The result remains unchanged. I guess we just have to learn to be very patient.

Dying is already a big loss to the loved ones, but it is more than a loss. There is an endless list of difficulties that only appear after death.

You don't treasure it until it's gone

How often do we hear this saying - 'you don't treasure it until it is gone'? I guess we always fail to fully understand the meaning of this statement until we experience it ourselves. And that is the problem with humans - why can't we learn from these wise sayings? Why do we have to allow history to repeat itself before we understand the importance of it?

I have been having flu and running nose for the past week. Though that has almost recovered, my throat has worsened. It must have been inflamed so that I lost my voice. My voice has been hoarse the past 2 days. Today, I lost it. In addition, my throat developed an itch and start forcing me to cough.

I know this can't last forever. It should recover, though I am not sure how long it would take. Afterall, symptoms of a respiratory system breakdown started since 01-Apr. Is this God's way of playing an April Fool's day joke on me? Or is it time for me to realise that I should treasure what I usually take for granted - my throat, my vocal cords and even my existence?

Being a tutor

I have been a tutor for more than a decade.

I started giving tuition so that I can earn that extra pocket money during my National Service days. Ever since I turned 18, I was proud to say that I did not take a single cent of pocket money from my parents. Tuition got me through.

Tuition not only gave me my monthly allowances, it opened roads for me - LASIK, overseas holidays, and getting myself insured are the results of what tuition has provided me for.

Now that I am working, I do not need tuition as badly as before. Afterall, I have a stable income. Friends has told me that tuition wasn't necessary and it was 'eating' up what was left of my free time.

Tuition indeed takes up time and efforts. As much as I streamlined my efforts by organising my schedule with the tuition slots neatly, I knew that it would still need that I would have to sacrifice my Sundays. But I still made the decision to give tuition.

I knew that there are more reasons than just pocket money:

(i) I love to share my knowledge with people who are willing to learn,

(ii) I love to see them improve over time, as I nurture their sponge-like minds,

(iii) I see myself improving as a person - there are always new things I learn from them [for e.g. today, I learnt the difference between mosses and ferns],

(iv) My dream is to open up a tuition centre in the future & this is my one small step into realising that dream of mine.

I know I will continue giving tuition. There are so many reasons for me to just keep going.

Man vs Food

It took me a lot of courage to try the Beijing street food. On the 1st day, as I was walking past those street stalls, I paused and took a long look at the food they sell. Afterall, I was hungry and was on the prowl for any food that could make up my breakfast. But with so many food being sold, I chose the more conventional and trusted food.

But the thought of having been to Beijing and not tried any of the unique food - came back to haunt me on the 2nd day. I plucked up the courage to order a stick of small scorpions. They come in a stick of 4. When I pointed to the scorpions, the 'chef' responded to my order. He took the stick nearest to him and put it into the hot pan. I had been looking at those sticks for some time. And when I saw that he took the nearest stick, I choked on my saliva. That stick was the only one amongst the rest which the scorpions were still alive - they were moving. Wow - the chef has given me his freshest ingredients.

I ate the scorpions. Not before I took a long stare and several shots at them. In addition, I tried 'sour milk', sheep's liver, sleeve-head fish and a bowl of octopus.

Man vs Food - I lost on the 1st day. I won on the 2nd and 3rd days. I wondered whether I would have tried the sheep's penis if I had stayed on for the 4th day.

Was it Spontaneity?

I was in Beijing over the Good Friday weekend for a 3D4N holiday. But all decisions were made at the 11th hour.

On Monday, I decided that I should travel over the Good Friday weekend. On Tuesday, I researched upon the venues and shortlisted that to either Beijing or Shanghai. On Wednesday, I made arrangements to collect my air ticket to Beijing. On Thursday, I did some research on the list of things to do when I reach. And on that very night, I took the midnight flight off to Beijing.

Reaching there on a Friday, I walked round to look for a hotel to stay. I walked into 5 hotels to enquire on the most value-for-money deal. On the next day, I had to shift out into another hotel, as good deals don't last. That hotel was fully pre-booked that day. Moreover, I had to find a bank to change my Singapore dollars into renminbi as I didn't have enough of the currency.

7 places of historical interest, 6 types of Beijing delicacies, 5 shopping malls, 4 degrees Celsius - all packed into 3 days of fun. Years down the road, I did not want to look back and think that it was too(2) late for regrets. Was it because of the 1 tonne of spontaneity that I injected?