Canon in D

I used this song, Canon in D major by Michael Allen Harrison, as my blog's song. The more I listen to it, the more comfortable I feel. Maybe it is a song that suits my spirit now.

The calm effect it has, makes me think - maybe I just prefer to be alone, doing the things I want in life. I don't need a partner, like what I used to think. I don't need to a companion, to share my joy and woes. I don't need a wife, to talk to and listen to.

Indeed, thinking it through, this has been the longest time I have been single ever since I got into the dating scene. There are ladies chasing me, girls interested in me and chio bus that I get in touch with. But it stops there.

I just want to be myself and be by myself.

YES is the new NO

I watched YES MAN the movie which stars Jim Carrey as Carl Allen. Carl is a guy whose life is going nowhere. His operative word is “no”—until he signs up for a self-help program based on one simple covenant: say yes to everything… and anything. Unleashing the power of “YES” begins to transform Carl’s life in amazing and unexpected ways, getting him promoted at work and opening the door to a new romance.

This movie got me thinking in 2 aspects:
(i) You say NO to life and therefore you are not living. Everytime when opportunity presents itself, you would say - YES. How many times had I cho0se not to live?

(ii) Yes is a positive re-inforcement to the things in life. I remember the times when I would initiate that with my subordinates every morning. At the start of each day and the word of any positive news, I would motivate them with a shout of a 1, 2, 3, oohhhh YES!

YES was in my life. I just need to find it back.

What are resolutions?

A New Year's Resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. We make resolutions at the start of each year. 2009 is within sight - hence, the time has come for us to make our New Year's resolutions.

However, before I start making mine, it's only right that I review my performance for the past year.

Oh shit! What performance! I have misplaced that piece of paper containing my resolutions, not monitored my goals and probably not achieved anything significant to boast about.

Should I make my New Year Resolutions? Should I resolved to do better than last year? Should I try to be more productive this year? I should.

On hindsight, I should not. Afterall, I always make such statements every year. Resolutions means repeated solutions. Maybe I should just repeat last year's goals.

Jolted by Bolt

Yesterday, I watched 'BOLT - the Super Dog'. It was an animated film about a dog who believes he has super powers to fight the evil, but wakes up to face the reality when he was accidentally shipped to New York City.

In his mission to get back to Hollywood, he realised that he no longer possess super powers. He was no longer SUPER. As he was about to give up, Rhino the hamster gave him a pep-talk. He said, everyone needs a hero - someone they can look up to, someone who can fight the evil and save the world, someone who can make a difference. Bolt is Rhino's (and the rest of the audience's) hero.

Who is my hero? Maybe I lost my hero. Maybe my hero is dead. Maybe I don't have a hero. Today, I realise I need a hero, or else my life will be a big zero. What a jolt that was from Bolt.

The only certainty in life

Today, our SVP requested all of us to come in for an urgent announcement. He then announced that he had just received a call from Ho Chi Minh City. One of our managers was having a holiday there. He suffered a heart attack this morning and passed away.

There was dead silence the moment the news was announced. All of us were surprised and saddened by the news. Afterall, he was healthy all this while. He wasn't even in his 50's and played badminton on a regular basis. No one would have expected this to happen.

I have barely known him for 2 months. But my eyes teared uncontrollably. Afterall, he was a prominent figure in the division, known for his affectionate laughter and his ability to rapport with everyone.

I ask myself - life is so short. Death can occur anytime. As the saying goes, the only certainty in life is death, the question is not whether U will die, but when you will. No one can answer that question - and today's incident just re-inforced that point.

Running in a state of despair

I ran the Standard Chartered Marathon - the whole of 42.195km. It's my 3rd time running it. Having went through the experience before, I thought I would know how to survive the race this time round. But it wasn't meant to be.

I ran well for the 1st 2 hours, before I hit the 'wall'. My legs started giving way, my thighs started cramping and I started walking. From my initial target of completion time of 5 hrs, I had it changed to 7hr 30min. I figured that if I walked the remaining part of my race, that should do the trick. My final result - 6 hrs.

The point here - my mind was playing tricks on me. The pain got to my head. I succumbed to pressure and allowed the environment and my body to lead me. Where are my goals in life? Am I so lost that I have no motivation to give my best for the race? Am I a person who only have big dreams, but no follow-ups to fulfil those thoughts?

My mistake & my friends

I made a blunder a couple of days ago. I accidentally sent an e-mail to my entire company. Well, that's the danger when U are a newbie. I was a newbie and nobody told me that leaving the 'TO:' field empty means that such e-mails would be sent to everyone.

Everyone received the mail. Even the dogs down the street got an e-mail from me. Thankfully, it wasn't a funny e-mail or a cranky one. But strangely, no one got back to me that the e-mail was wrongly directed.

I thanked my friends who told me about my blunder over supper. It takes guts to talk about this subject. Only through such situations, has allowed me to discover more about my new-found friends - who they are and their innate kindness.

It doesn't matter if I know just known them or have been friends with them for long. What matters is the bond that strengthens with time.

Today, I discovered my mistake. Today, I discovered my friends.

The best of friends

I watched Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa. Indeed, it is one of the best cartoon shows I ever showed. It wouldn't be a surprise if this movie make headlines for weeks to come. In it, it has all the elements of a great movie - a intriguing plot, 4 main characters & a villian, lotsa humour, top-notch graphics, lively music and unforgettable one-liners.
The story revolved around 4 friends - Alex, Marty, Melman and Gloria, who ventured from Central Zoo to Africa. They find themselves in an unfamiliar land. Though each has different encounters & distractions in the greens of Africa, their friendship held strong over time.

There was this scene where Alex told Morty, "He's one in a million. Other zebras are black stripes in white. And you Morty, you are white stripes in black. The point here - How many of us have true friends - friends that will stay there regardless of bad times or good times?

Why 'Quantum of Solace'?

Another James Bond movie - one that is constantly packed with actions. Your heart beats everytime Bond overcomes an obstacle or defeats an enemy. However, this is one interesting story that sets in apart from the earlier Bond movies. That story revolves around "REVENGE'.

Both Bond and Camille have similar agendas; they wanted to kill their targets because they lost someone they love. Their targets are not strangers on the street. These are powerful yet mysterious people who are complex creatures. This made their vengence evident as they went the extra mile to seek justice for the love they lost.

Revenge kills people. Revenge brings you far. Revenge motivates you. What causes all of this? Is it because of the loss of love? If love can cause all this, maybe it is wiser not to love.

Quantum of Solace - deriving that bit of comfort through killing someone; is that how the title came about?

Dreams they really can come true

I watched 'Sing to the Dawn' recently. It was based on a novel written by Ho Minfong. In it, there are many lessons that can be drawn for sharing...

The main character was about this girl, Dawan, who lives in a small rural village in Thailand. But she isn't timid in character, for she fought for what she want. She wanted a scholarship and so she studied her to get it. She won the scholarship, but insisted to keeping it instead of letting her brother have it. She don't believe in taxes to the landlord, so she argued against it. She believed that the land they are on is theirs and not the the landlord, and so she sought the truth.

My thoughts about this movie gave me time for self-reflection. I realised that dreams can really come true. No matter how absurd you think them to be, believing in them is what make life worth living for.

Dreams do come true, but what's my dream?

Being comfortable with myself

How do U know it when you are comfortable with yourself? Are there a way to gauge when you feel comfortable about what you do, where you work and what you really are?

Someone recently asked me about my new job. I told a lie - I told them about my previous job - I stayed at my previous job for only a month. After all, I did not want him to know about my consecutive job change. I hopped onto this current job, because I didn't like many aspects of my previous job. But to announce to the world that I changed job within a matter of weeks - is an issue I am currently tackling with. Am I not comfortable with myself?

Maybe it depends on who I tell. Maybe I am sceptical. Maybe people will gossip about me. Maybe they will label me as a job-hopper. There are so many 'MAYBE's.

Maybe these 'maybe's will come true, maybe they never will. On 2nd thoughts, I am comfortable with myself. I am only being cautious. It boils down to my skills in managing their perceptions of me.

Is love selfish?

I watched a TV drama serial recently. I guess much can be learnt from the television shows nowadays, so it's of high importance to review what shows we air. Afterall, the whole nation watches whatever shows or commercials (or propaganda) Mediacorp decides to broadcast.

In that show, I saw the selfish acts of love. For as the saying goes, if love isn't selfish, then you probably did not love him enough.

As the show develops, it turns out that love is not selfish. For the actress decided that the best way to love is to leave the actor for he will be happier going back to his ex-wife and new-born.

I reflected. I then realised that there are 2 levels of love. The basic level is that of the selfish love - the love that makes one possess the things / objects of interest. Going beyond the 1st level, is the ability to love beyond and have only the other party's best interest at heart. This unconditional love is an abstract concept that I am grappling with.

What is LOVE?

"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." "Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." "Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."

The above are quotations of what love is. Each has differing perceptions of what love is. I used to define love as a giving act that requires no returns and creates satisfaction to the receiving party. To love, without expectations of being loved - I told myself that the motto of loving unconditionally should the way I lead my life.

I questioned my motto today. Afterall, my ex just got attached. I sent her my congrats. But deep down inside, the feeling of being delighted to celebrate the joyous occasion wasn't how I expected it to be. There's a host of reasons that could contribute to this.
(i) I lost the feeling of how love is.
(ii) I grew tired and exhausted of loving.
(iii) There's no more love btween me and my ex.
(iv) My definition of love should be changed.

I asked myself which of the reasons it could be. Or maybe it's just all of the above.

ERP - Examining 'Right' Policies

I drove home today from town. I was on the CTE at 9.20pm. I was driving at 80km/h. Then the sound 'BEEP' startled me. The IU reader has just deducted $1.00 off my cashcard.

The government was saying that ERPs are used to control road traffic and keep them above the speed of 45km/h. I wondered if they were reasons or excuses. They added a couple of gantries, then countless and even on new roads, and then extended the hours from dawn to the wee hours of the night.

But today paints a different scenario. Traffic was smooth. There is no traffic woes. It could be due to the random nonsensical ERP hikes. It could be due to inflation. It could be due to the recession.

More importantly, does our government review the policies constantly or stick to the most-profiteering scheme? Reflecting upon ourselves, it's also timely to ask - how often do we review our actions and decisions? Environment changes make our decisions all the more vulnerable. Not that we did not make the right decision, but in today's world, it's about making the decision right.

Not the Destination, but the Journey that matters

As the saying goes, it's the not the destination, but the journey that matters. In every sense of the saying, how true this is.

I once used to think that going to places is so fun and intriguing. I dreamt of many places, and have been to some of them. That includes the exotic South Africa. But the truth is not the bragging rights that I can boost about being there. Deep down in me, I realised that it's how I want to live the journey that matters. It doesn't take me long to realise that I learnt just as much from a 3-day self-drive road trip to Cameron as compared to my 30-day South Africa trip.

Everything in life is about the journeys one takes. Journeys shape our lives. I asked myself - If I hadn't quit my 1st job, it wouldn't have been a problem for me to reach financial freedom as I breeze through the rituals of a desk-bound job. Now that I quitted from that job and move on, I struggled to accelerate my learning curve on the job. Both jobs would eventually reach my goal of financial freedom; the latter giving me a more fulfilling journey as I lived to learn life's lessons through interesting activities.

Today is the day I reminded myself of the importance of each step I take as I trek through this journry. I couldn't help smiling as I walked on...

Being flexible or losing myself?

My schedule is getting packed. With a new job at hand, I get exhausted by the end of each day as I stumbled in understanding the work processes and gathering new information about the company's processes. In the midst of these, I caught up with old friends, got to know new ones, went for toastmasters, gave tuition and exercised. I lost the time to blog and sacrificed some of my time in the personal 'cave'.

I ask myself, maybe that's a characteristic of me. I'm flexible. I'm adaptable. I take on changes as they come.

Or am I just losing myself, as these external factors shape my life? Do I not have my principles to hold on to, as I just succumb to the environment?

There's a fine line between being flexible and losing oneself. Some are balancing on the lines; others are still trying to find that line. For me, I will bold that line. Afterall, I believe that I can be sane in a ever-changing world. The qn is - how much bolder?

It isn't easy to speak

I joined toastmasters with an aim – to be a better public speaker, able to present with ease and confidence in any occasion. Recently, many of you might have often seen me up on stage during chapter meetings. Some ‘wow’ed as I entertain them; others must have been thinking why does he have so much to speak. After all, in the past 3 months, I have done 3 advanced projects, 1 SAA, 1 table topics masters and 1 project evaluator.

The truth is – it’s never easy. I struggled before I even started. My dreams told me that getting the title of Competent Communicator was ‘chicken feet’. The reality was that I took 2 years to complete 10 basic speeches.

The crux comes when I’m told to make a speech. Panic strikes me as I run out of ideas and content. Today, I realize the nuts and bolts of speaking better –
(i) Set out a vision (and action plan) of what I want to be in 6 months time. I dreamt of speaking without a lectern, narrating short stories in a room packed with listeners.
(ii) Volunteer for roles and speeches instead of being volunteered. This is similar to the desire to exercise as compared to being forced to exercise. In which scenario would you enjoy yourself better?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (Lao-tzu). I will be preparing my Storytelling AP4. What about you? What will be your next step?

Seeing the world in my eyes

As I was onto my last leg of my holiday, it dawned upon me my love for traveling has been going strong. Taking that a step further, I thought it would be nice to share all my travel experiences with my friends. Afterall, there are so much to share. And by sharing, I gain by re-living the experience and my friends get to learn more about the world too.
17 cities and 4 continents in 5 months - this will take a long while before I share it all.

Detaching the feeling of getting attached

I had a revelation recently. No matter how much free time I had, I would never be free. That is because I am a guy who would fill my schedule with activities.

I had lots of free time recently. And all seemed to pass away very quickly. I spent them catching up with old friends and meeting up new ones. But it was never enough, for there are so many long-lost friends to catch up with and so many more new ones that I would like to know.

I then realised that there was a mixed feeling in my heart. I had told myself to stay clear of relationships, after my break-up 4 months ago. While my mind was conscious of the rule, my heart had yearned for a partner that I could share my thoughts with. There was this hidden agenda that even I was not aware of until recently.

Today, I asked myself - I am not ready. Why bother think about this issue when my body is confused? Maybe it is a sign from above. Maybe I should isolate the feeling of getting attached for the time being. Maybe I should just be anti-social and understand what's really ME.

Journey to the Center of the Earth

I watched the movie 'the Journey of the Center of the Earth' recently. It was a fast-paced adventure movie that was filled with modern visuals. It was about a scientist who believed and went on to explore the Center of the Earth with some leads on a possible entry via Iceland. In the process, the movie intirduced many sightings, such as dinosaurs and other strange prehistoric creatures.

For once, I allowed myself to be intrigued by the CGI effects.

We all live a real world. Fascination rarely works. And maybe that is why we do not daydream. Or is it just me? Am I taking life too seriously? Maybe I should continue to fascinate and live my life with the travels of the world. A journey not to the center of the Earth, but all round the earth. And maybe that is why my heart tells me Australia has to be my next sighting.

My Ambition

Recently, I did some spring-cleaning and chanced upon an essay I wrote when I was only 12.
It allowed me to reflect upon 2 issues:
(i) I have a dream since I was young. The dream was ambitous, defined and yet motivating enough for me to put my best foot fwd when it comes to studies.
(ii) One of my values I behold is JUSTICE. Being fair and impartial is what I had always been. I had been a prefect. I have been a scout. I work hard to achieve things that I had wanted for.

Today, I ask what my dream is and if my dream has been blurred. Today, I ask if I still hold onto justice in a degrading society. This is unlike 1992. Today, answers are harder to find.

Your Mind is a Magnet

Another story that gave me food for thought -
How often do you...
- bump into old friends in unlikely places?
- learn a new word, and suddenly you see it everywhere?
- hum an old tune, and then hear it on the radio? How often do you think about someone - and seconds later they phone you? Coincidence? Not really? Your mind is a magnet. Happy people attract other happy people. Positive thinks attract opportunities. Crooks attract crooks.

Thoughts might be invisible they they are REAL things - just like electricity or gravity. If you sweat enough about going broke, it will happen. If you worry enough about getting sick, it will happen.

Picture yourself surrounded by true friends - and you'll find them. Picture success, and work toward it, and you are on your way.

Your life is not a lottery. You attract what you think about.

"Why?"

I have just read this story that inspired me -
My friend John Froppe was born with no arms. But John never asks the question, "WHY do I have no arms?" The question he asks is, "WHAT can I do with my feet?" Having watched John eat with chopsticks, I say, "Almost anything!"

When tragedy strikes, or when we lose everything, or when a lover walks out on us, the question we usually ask is "WHY?"
"WHY me?"
"WHY now?"
"WHY did she leave me for a loser?"

Asking "WHY?" questions can send us crazy. Often, there is no answer to "WHY?" Or it doesn't matter why! Effective people ask "WHAT?" questions...
"WHAT am I going to do about it?"
"WHAT do I learn from this?"

When the situation is really desperate, they ask, "WHAT can I do, just in the next 24 hours, to make things better?"

The happiest people don't bother about whether life is fair. They just make the most of what they have. And is life "fair"? Probably not. But it doesn't matter why!

Happiness within your control

I had Ben and Jerry's ice-cream with my friends yesterday. It was a heart-to-heart talk with these 3 friends of mine. In one of the conversations, it was asked, what is 1 thing that would me happy in the upcoming week?

My friend answered, "Going back on time from work". She further elaborated, "That means leaving by 6pm everyday". I then asked if that is within her control. She replied that it's not. That has to be dependent on the amount of work she has, the post-work events she had to attend and her superiors.

If going back on time will make her happy and that is not within her control, happiness will come as a random event. Her personal happiness is subjected to fate and god's will. Happiness must be within one's control, else doing everything possible might end up being a futile effort.

Mummy 3

I watched this movie 2 days ago. I haven't watched any recently, and this isn't the kind of blockbuster that I would have been waiting for ages. However, it got me thinking about pursuing what you strongly want.

This film is inspired by the idea that a group of people should get in trouble over and over again. This time round, they got into trouble by awakening the Dragon Emperor (from Han Dyansty in China). They believed that their mission is to get them out of said trouble until they all live happily ever after.

Questions went through my mind - they believe strongly for a cause, even at the expense of death. How about me? What am I chasing after in life?

Double Whammy

It came today. 2 consecutive hits onto me, one coming right after another. I got me thinking - fate wanted me to reflect. It couldn't come at a better time.

1. I was at an interview in town. One of the qns the interviewer asked was what are my career goals (and what I foresee myself when I am 35)? I paused, I deviated and then I struggled. I realise I don't know what my goals are. I have only figured out what I liked and what I don't. And the end of it all - I confessed to ther interviewer that I am only 28 and I wasn't sure myself.

2. Barely 15 mins later, I was heading to the MRT. I bumped into my sec sch friend whom we hadn't met for years. There was so much to catch up and we shared as much as we could whilst standing in a corner within the MRT station. And then it came again. He shared his career goals with me and asked me what was mine. That hit me, cos he is also 28 and he knew what his goals were.

It isn't the age. It was me. The undecided me, who haven't thought about my directions in my life and my career. The double whammy came and knocked some senses into me today.

3 little pigs

Yesterday, I gave an Advanced Project speech based on the story '3 little pigs'. It was one of the better speeches I have given, as I have prepared and rehearsed several times. This inspiration came from a boy who gave a similar speech in a competition; I then did Internet research, followed by typing out my speech. The process wasn't easy. There are 2 points worth to share - (i) Do something U like and (ii) Building a strong foundation is the essence to producing a good show.

(i) It took me a significant amount of time before I embarked on an Advanced manual. I then realised that it's not that hard, if I only knew that this is what I enjoy doing - storytelling. Today, I discover another aspect of myself - that I love to listen and tell stories.

(ii) The 3rd little pig spent significant amount of time building up his house of bricks. He did not take any short cut. Though this can be tedious, it will pay off when the wolf puts the houses to test. As the saying goes, you reap what you sow. But how many of us are guilty of just producing sloppy work just for the sake of getting it done?

Letting Go

Over the past couple of months, I finally let go. I let go of my relationship with my gf (of 2 years). I let go of my job (of 5 years). I let go of my tuition (of 3 years). I let go of toastmasters exco (of 2 years). These had been bugging me down recently. And when I let go, the burden off my shoulders has been released. I was able to stand straight and feel at ease.

Afterall, my life had been under so much control that I felt constrained. It was like ropes being tied onto me.

Today, I am not bonded. I wake up afresh. To chase my dreams. To live a new day.

As smooth as SILK?

I was taught this phrase "as smooth as silk". Today, I questioned how true it can be. I had a query to make at SilkAir. I gave the 24hr hotline number a ring. Guess what? I was put on the waiting end because it was busy. There was some smoothing music, but I can't believe that I had to wait for 25 minutes. And I still wasn't answered by anyone.

I was very perturbed. I couldn't believe I lost to SilkAir's test of endurance.

A cool 3 hours later, I decided to have another go at it. This time round, I managed to get through to an operator within a minute. It wasn't that bad, I thought. I asked the operator on the details of changing a return journey of an air ticket. The end result - It can't be done and I have to call SilkAir on a working day to enquire again.

As smooth as Silk? I don't really believe in such a phrase anymore. SilkAir fell short of my expectations. Instead of providing quality service, it joined the group of budget airlines in being a no-frills, long-queue airline provider.

I sat and pondered. Aren't we supposed to develop our competitive edge and differentiate ourselves from the rest? Or have we learnt how to adopt to the mass and forget about how to be best...

Building the last house

There was this story about a old carpenter who was about to retire. He told his boss about his intention. His boss was sad to see him go. After all, the carpenter had been an experienced employee who builds good houses with fine woodwork.

His boss requested one last favour from him - to build one last house before he leaves. He paused and had some reservations, but accepted it unwillingly.

As his heart was no longer in his job, his efforts were of half-hearted nature. He did complete the house, but one could see the standards have dropped significantly. When he told his boss that the final task was completed, his boss said 'Here you go - this is my gift to you - the house'.

I thought about it. Life is all about this house we are building. The one and only house whereby we put a nail or lay a brick onto every day. Whether we did it consciously or in a haphazard manner is all up to us. Time and tide waits for no man. Put in a wrong nail, and you might need years of effort to pull that out.

I ask myself, how am I going to lay my brick today?

Letting Go

The term 'Letting Go' seems like a term meant for the losers. We use this term for those who did not persevere to the finishing line. We tell our friends, don't let go, be a fighter.

But LETTING GO is the Best Thing I have done this year. My major decision this year was to give up on my current job in the airforce. I had a bright career ahead of me. I am a leader with men working for me. The next posting for me would have been a staff appointment, with more learning opportunities.

People ask me - WHY QUIT?

I realise that if my hands had been full, I wouldn't be able to hold on to any better things. I had to free my hands before I have the ability to grab on to something new.

I want a break - holidays, travelling and more soul-searching by myself. I want to give more time to my MBA - nevermind the high opportunity cost. I want to search for my dream job. I want to get into the private sector. So many WANTs - I can only go after them, after my hands were emptied and untied.

Staying Single

Staying Single is the trend now. It's ok to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's alright to be in the dating scene. It's fun to co-habitate. But it's a risk in getting married.

I watched the movie 'Sex and the City' yesterday. The plot discusses about finding love and getting married for 4 matured ladies living in Manhattan. I love the show. In fact, I caught several of the HBO series in my younger days.

This time round, it tickled some of my brain nerves and got me thinking about MARRIAGE. Marriage comes with many conditions. You have to win the girl's heart, then prove that you got cash, financial security and a big home for her to live in (like Mr Big). You need to stay faithful - 1 mistake can make you out of the house (like Steve). And you got to give her lots of attention (like Smith).

There are so many 'marriage clauses'. Staying single is the easier alternative that will ease one's troubles. Single, w/o any strings attached, seems to be best solution to stay cheery and chirpy. And who dares uses the fairytale statement of 'staying married happily ever after'?