Detaching the feeling of getting attached

I had a revelation recently. No matter how much free time I had, I would never be free. That is because I am a guy who would fill my schedule with activities.

I had lots of free time recently. And all seemed to pass away very quickly. I spent them catching up with old friends and meeting up new ones. But it was never enough, for there are so many long-lost friends to catch up with and so many more new ones that I would like to know.

I then realised that there was a mixed feeling in my heart. I had told myself to stay clear of relationships, after my break-up 4 months ago. While my mind was conscious of the rule, my heart had yearned for a partner that I could share my thoughts with. There was this hidden agenda that even I was not aware of until recently.

Today, I asked myself - I am not ready. Why bother think about this issue when my body is confused? Maybe it is a sign from above. Maybe I should isolate the feeling of getting attached for the time being. Maybe I should just be anti-social and understand what's really ME.