澄梅的时光

I was clearing my stuff when I stumbled upon a letter. It wasn't written on any white piece of paper, but on those arty A5 piece of note pad filled with flowers strewn as its letterhead.

It was a letter by my ex-gf. But it was a letter of complaint, whereby she would vent her frustrations on a piece of paper, about how insensitive & unloving I was. Afterwhich, she would go back to the sweet-loving gf that she would always be. I thought that it's a nice way to getting out those feelings. Afterall, it would have been more disastrous if she has kept it in her heart.

As I read, thoughts of regret filled my mind. I had ignored her feeling and had failed to see her concerns. She was voicing out how she really felt, but I had thought that it was just one of her many moments to air her thoughts.

In the end, I failed to treasure this long-term relationship. Regret filled my mind, as I asked - what if I had given myself a second chance? Would things have turned out differently? Was I too immature then? Or am I just reminiscing those lost moments?

Letting everything go by

As the saying 'Carpe Diem' goes, people would go 'Oh yes!' as they seize the day. Every day, we try to maximise our day, regardless of whether it is at work, at home or being out with our friends.

Today, I ask myself - what if I let everything go by. Would it be a waste of time? What if I do not treasue my time properly and let just watch the world go by...

I used to think that it is a waste of time. But today, I realise that it isn't. For it manages to relax my soul, builds my composure and gives me an insight to the outside world.

I watched the world go by,

I see how time flies,

I looked and asked myself why,

It's coz stopping is something they haven't try.

My world

I asked myself - how do I define this world of mine. It is made up of friends from all walks of life. They come from my secondary school, JC, university, toastmasters, work, social networking, dance classes to even acquaintances that I barely know from Facebook.

Whoever they are, they make up my life. They create this environment for me to live in, thereby proving my existence in this world. I am therefore, a social creature.

Recently, I am asked to be the President of my Toastmasters Club. My heart & mind were at wars with this question. It took me days to figure out the root cause of this 'war'. The cause - Am I willing to sacrifice my WORLD for this honorable duty?

The easy way out would be to remain status quo. But this is also a cowardly approach. So I decide to brainstorm. As I kill a few more braincells on this matter, I asked myself again - What honors do I hope to achieve for the club and myself in the midst of my sacrifice? Determining the honors will give me the light to the value of my worth.

Am I my hero?

There's a hero, if you look into your heart, you don't have to be afraid of what you are. There's an answer, if you reach into your sould, and the sorrows you know will melt away...

And then the hero comes along, am I the hero with the strength to carry on?

I am. Or maybe I am not. I ask myself - there are so many things I want to do in life. Maybe I am just too greedy amidst this economic tsunami. To learn as many things as possible and to experience as many moments as I can. It is just too much in this current climate.

Maybe I am my hero. Maybe I might not have the strength to carry on. So what sort of hero is this? A hero without sufficient stamina or a weak hero to start off with? I might be my HERO. It has saved myself a victory. I looked ahead to see what's next for me to save. Amongst the ocean, I ask - what's my take?

The SUN

I took this picture of the sunset recently, when I was on a holiday. It was beautiful and romantic. That sunset made my day and even my week. Afterall, holidays always manage to take me away from the realism. It will then inject a new life of energy before I come back to fight realism once more.

This perfect sunset scene remain entrenched in my mind. It was scenic and away from the bustlings of the city. The sky was orangy-red and streaks of sunlight beam its way through the clouds. My heart slowed to a steady pace & I felt calm.

Holidays, like the one above, are great for me. I look forward to traveling. The thought of exploring new places rejuvenate me. It is just like the SUN of my life. Today, I recapped how wonderful my recent holiday has been. Today, I looked forward to a pleasant next one. Today, my SUN has come back.

D for ....

D for DOWN
The workload is increasing. I have been asked to assist in operations, when I have yet to complete my powerpoint slides, minutes, letters, etc. How can I ever complete my work? The workload can be described as a rising mountain that inches up everyday, making it harder to scale with each increasing day. I feel DOWN because I am trying my best and I can't see results.

D for DEMORALISED
Today, I got wind that a colleague of mine threw in the towel. I had an engaging one-to-one chat with him later in the evening. He poured his sorrows out to me. I understood him. I feel DEMORALISED because my work place used to be a fun and encouraging environment, but it is losing that appeal with a outflow of friends.

D for DROWNED
Monday - 0830 to 1100 hrs, Tue to Thurs - 1400 to 2230 hrs & Friday - 0830 to 1100 hrs. Saturday isn't much better. I worked last Saturday. I had to do the same this Saturday again. I feel DROWNED because I can't seem to swim myself out of this type of 'lifestyle'.

Memories Make a Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire is a movie about an eighteen year old Jamal Malik who has an amazing answering streak on the Indian version of the television game show, "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire". He's only one correct question away from the big prize. However, some, including those associated with the game show, question how someone like Jamal, a self confessed non-genius who grew up in the slums of Mumbai, can be doing so well on the show when others who are brighter, more educated and wealthier than him have failed. Is Jamal cheating? Is it purely luck that they have asked him the questions to which he knows the answers? Seeing Jamal's life journey to this point ultimately answers these questions. His life journey includes being orphaned at an early age; growing up with an older brother, Salim; and having a relationship since childhood with another orphaned child, a girl named Latika. His motivation for being on the show also may provide some answers to his success. Perhaps it was all just meant to be.

His memories brought him success. They enabled him to answer the questions needed to be a millionaire. How often has memories make us rich? Will I get a lots of wealth by having experiential learning since childhood?

Memories - though it has not given me 20 million rupees, it has enabled me to grow as an unqiue individual. Though I am poor in terms of my bank accounts, I am rich in terms of my surroundings and daily activities. Though memories has not made me a monetary millionaire, it has given me billionaire moments.

Take it S-L-O-W

I have so many tasks at hand. I have deadlines to meet. I have meetings to prepare for. All this has resulted in an increasingly stressed me. I looked at my rising workload and asked 'will this ever end'?

Maybe it will. Maybe I should not be rushing through all this. Maybe I can do it if I do things 1 at a time - the S-L-O-W way. I figured out a solution. I find a way out for myself - to focus on 1 matter at any 1 point in time. Combining my abilities to priortise and perfect the tasks, taking it S-L-O-W could be the only way out.

S-L-O-W is the way forward. As I struggle to churn out this perfect solution, will time and tide wait for me? Or maybe I should go back to my routine of fighting each day?