Adding on to my PAIN

I just met with a car accident. I initiated the accident. Oh manz. What was I thinking of?

It was a Fri evening at 7.10 pm. I guess it must have been the whole week that drained me out. After a 52-hour week, my mind and body were too tired for anything that requires too much concentration. Plus the sad fact that I was the last to leave office. And why must the CTE be packed with cars and make driving such so undesirable?

I was so angry with myself. But anger has found its way of dissipating away. Only the scars of my damaged car and higher insurance premiums linger.

My car is now in PAIN. How many more types of PAIN can there be?

IN PAIN - which part?

I went for dental yesterday. My dentist painted me the sad news which I din want to face. My gaps have widened and I need a longer time before I can remove the braces. I smiled back in agony, how can that be true?

She tried to tell me that age is not on my side. I am old. My teeth are rigid. On top of that, they tend to remember their 'old' position. She then adds that to minimise that, I will have to wear the braces for up to 3 years to maintain the 'new' position!

How can I smile anymore?

I grimaced as she changed my wire module to a thicker one. To my horror, the pain starts only hours later when I can't even bite off a prawn and have ulcers forming.

I am in PAIN. Is it just my teeth or are my mind and heart too hurt by my latest dental news?

Where is my dragon?

Recently, I watched the movie "Eragon" VCD. It was shown on the silver screens last Dec. But reviews were doing bad, so I saved the $$ & gave that a miss. Watching it on VCD justifies my earlier decision made, as it wasn't fantastic with unfancied special effects.

The movie was based on the best-selling novel by Christopher Paolini. The storyline starts off with Eragon finding a polished blue stone in the forest and thinks it's the lucky discovery of a poor farm boy. But when the stone turns out to be an egg from which a baby dragon is hatched, Eragon realizes he has stumbled upon a legacy nearly as old as the Empire itself. Overnight he is thrust into a perilous new world of destiny, magic, and power. Eragon and the fledgling dragon navigate the dangerous terrain and dark enemies of an Empire ruled by a king whose evil knows no bounds. The fate of the Empire rest in his hands. as he fought and triumphed against his enemies.

The movie got me thinking - "where is my dragon?" Eragon found a blue stone (which turns out to be a dragon's egg). From a farm boy, he became a nation's hero. From a poor chap, he became endowed with armour and horses. From a nobody, he became a dragon rider.

Where is MY dragon? When can I find a dragon that I can ride on? What am I supposed to do to get all this?

I want to rise and find the magic within myself. Can I?

Am I the SUN?

Just a week ago, I watched the DVD "Tears of the Sun" starring Bruce Willis. I wouldn't want to recommend you unless you believe in patriotism or love the art of war. But this movie got me thinking about values and purpose.

Bruce's character was a "D" in DISC. Being dominant and yet respectful, he is able to get results with his team whenever he carries out a mission. His task was to rescue Dr Lena. However, he was not able to get her out as she refuses to evacuate. Her value then was to protect the 70+ refugees. Time and time again, he has to change strategies so as to get his mission done. 1st, the hard way doesn't work. Next, he tried to align with her value and trick the refugees into the illusion of them being resecued too. He then had to strategise on how to save their lives when their plan went all wrong.

His strategic intent (vision) has never changed, i.e. to get her out. In the process, he might have to bend rules and re-align to the new conditions. However, his core competencies kept him going. They were: patriotism, courage, leadership and compassion. Do I have these values? Am I a level 5 leader?

My MBA Dream

I always thought of doing my MBA. It was my dream since 4 years ago, even when I was an undergraduate. I built castles in the air, on how I will get that title whilst being in NTU. I then started work and with that financial power, I researched on all the possible schools that offered MBA. It was only now that I put plans in action.

I have just embarked on my 1st module. I could have started in January, but my work schedule was packed then. Somehow, I turned out to be a wise move, as that Jan module was a 'killer' for most, let alone someone who have no business or accounting background.

Today is the 4th continuous day of lessons of my MBA. Hectic, yet enjoyable. I start to see my dream being fulfilled. I loved my MBA for the following reasons:
1. It will help me gain valuable knowledge and wisdom.
2. It will leverage me in getting an advantage for my next job.
3. I want to go UK, or even Europe, using Uni Of Nottingham o/s study module.
4. I get to network with all people & form close friends from all works of life.

I look fwd to my next lesson of MBA. The love for my dream will drive me through.

Separated by silence

Silence can do wonders. Sometimes, the act of inactivity can kill. And today, I realise the power of SILENCE.

My gf and I have been on cold war recently. I have not taken the initiative to meet or call her. Neither has she called or sms me back. We have not really met up for 6 days already. It wasn't long ago that we were meeting up every alternative day. What happened?

That say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Not true. Silence is the equivalent of total absence. It makes the heart grow weaker in faith. My faith has decreased by the day. My yearn for my gf has dropped.

I fear getting into another quarrel with her. I fear bringing her to the wrong places. Any place, like IKEA, can be a wrong place. I fear my phone being questioned. I fear her random questions on her being the prettiest girl in the Earth. My fear has turned into avoidance.

How long will the avoidance be? Will it be a waiting game?

Judging People

Today, I was invited to be a judge at an Area Toastmasters Contest. An 'Area' consists of 4 toastmasters club. And today, they have put forth their best men to compete on stage in front of me and my fellow panel of judges.

I feel like a sniper. Putting up a false front and an attentive expression. Just that I have to pull the trigger and give a score at the end of each session. Each day, we are judging people, just that today, I am consciously going through the process.

You blink and I'll shoot.

The dream of a BREAK

Some people talk about their dream break. For me, I just dream of a break. I guess life has been taking a toll on me. I wonder if it has been work, my girlfriend or just the way I add pressure to my life. It doesn't matter. What matters is an outlet to vent it all out.


I vent it out by wanting a holiday out of Singapore. Some scenery and breathtaking shots to take me a new HIGH. I dun need cigarettes or drugs. Neither do I need tonnes of sleep or clubbing away. But can I get even get a BREAK?

I just dun seem to be able to get one.

I dun have a partner. My girlfriend doesn't want to go. I went for a holiday with my family in Oct last year. My sis just changed her job and can't take leave. My friends turned down my offer to coincide their leave with mine.

I want to take a break. But I do not know how to. My moods have been down because there's nothing to look forward to. I realise that I would always be in a much better mood if I have a holiday planned well ahead. It's like a goal to work towards to. It's like putting your efforts with a reward awaiting you.

I guess I just have to plan for one. Either I go by myself or I join some random trip and make new friends. The latter seems a good choice. Wish me success in doing it.