How low can I get?

It was a low point for me today. I feel lost. Very lost in my sense of direction. The feeling of being alone and desperation has creeped up onto me. I even teared and shivered as I thought about it. I can't help, but despair.

I used to be able to put these feelings aside, as I press on and carry out my tasks in a robot-like manner. Today, I no longer could.

My life is getter nowhere. I asked myself why. I realised that it is because
(i) I have not set down and work towards the life-long goals that I would want to accomplish,
(ii) I have allowed people to control certain aspects of my life and work, and
(iii) I am currently doing things that I no longer enjoy doing.

I used to enjoy going to work everyday. Today, I no longer do. It has come to a point where I have to drag myself to work.

I have to do something to my life. A boss mentioned before that if personal values do not match that of the organisation, then the person should leave. There is no need to hold the person back.

With that said, all I need now is to firm up my release date and leave with a high.

When looks are a weighty issue

I read a commentary in the newspaper on this issue above. It striked me hard and got me to reflect. I'm spending less time with my gf. Yes, I had been busy, but I realise that I did not make as much efforts as b4. I asked myself why.

That article gave me the answer. My gf has put on several pounds as compared to a year ago. And recently, she had a serious pimple outbreak. Who wouldn't want a slim and pretty gf? I guess it doesn't motivate me to go out as much as before.

Afterall, guys are creatures with basic instinct. In those primitive days, the best and strong guys get to choose the prettiest ladies for mating. As the saying goes, the fittest survive. Guys have since then, been taught to choose the finest quality to continue their offspring. I can't blame my instinct, but yet, I can't control my gf's life. So what can I do?

Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live

Shuling inspired me with the above quote from 'Tuesdays with Morrie'. That stunned me. It took me some time before it sank into my head. Then I realised the true meaning.

People always wait till the date of their impending death, then will they realise the importance of life. Broadly speaking, many do not treasure what they have till they lose it.

Why? Maybe they take life for granted. But we only have 1 life. This quote gave meaning into my life. I should live everyday the best way I could. I should treasure each day as if this is my last day. I should make a difference each day as I wake up from the bed.

Let today be the day I learn how to die.

Friendship amongst the Warlords?

On Christmas eve, I watched the movie "The Warlords" with my gf. It was an intense action thriller, set in the mid-19th century, one of the darkest period of Chinese history. The movie was about three men who became blood brothers and swear to be true to each other, despite all the political upheavals and unrest around them. But it was not to be.

Power and obsession came into way. Does 'power' make people corrupt? Doesn't one's integrity remain intact, regardless of the circumstances? I do hope I have strong ethics and morals. But I haven't been walked the rope yet. Even in today's context, those who have reached there, fall from the top like a big flop. A look at TT Durai, Richard Yong & all the accounting scandals leads me to question our morals.

Who are we? Does power define who we are? While that gives the confidence of a strong command, one must note that it is still the character that will define your oneself that one should never lose.

Friendship - do I value them? Yes, I do. But with no wars to forge them closer and new friends to see me through, how long can these ties last? Only time can tell.

GOAL! So, what's the score?

Today, I just chatted with Melissa, my new-found friend. One topic talked about was on goals. I felt inspired whilst talking to her, because she mentioned that she set annual goals, do mid-year reviews and carry out adjustments. That's a rare breed of people around.

Bringing myself back to childhood, I remember the times when I wrote NEW YEAR resolutions and they sounded more like Santa Claus wishlist instead. Life has since moved on.

I know I can go on to achive great things in life. I just need personal and valuable goals that drive me there. Only when I have established & defined my goals, then will I find myself working towards it.

Am I prepared?

Today, I delivered my Project 8 speech in Toastmasters. My speech was on how to become a better speaker. One of the points I shared was to be PREPARED. One must be prepared - know the audience, write your speech objective and rehearse.

How prepared am I in toastmasters? Reflecting back in life, how ready am I to take on everyday challenges? I thought about it and realise that I wasn't. I have just let my days slip by, fighting off my work assignments and appointments.

I sank into the chair. I should do something about my life. Rather than let my weeks get washed away, I should set and accomplish my weekly objectives. From today onwards, let me take control of my life and lead a more purposefully life.

Ocean Thirteen

I recently watched Ocean Thirteen. It was a fantastic show, packed with thrill, action, hunks and high-technological stuff. Those who watch, can and will say the same about it too.

A thought lingered in my mind - how 11 friends are so united, even though they are continents apart. They come together to help one of them out. How many of us have close friends? How many of us will go all out to risk their lives for their friends? Will you stop work for comradeship?

Loaded

I feel loaded. When people say that, you might be led to think that he/she is rich and has too much $$ to spend. However, to your disappointment, I am loaded with too many tasks. Burden sucht that I do not know where to begin. It will probably take 3 nights to clear them all.

There are toastmasters, MBA assignments, work & projects on hand. In addition, I have to give tuition on Sunday. Plus the 'maintenance' time I spend with my gf. Time never seems enough. A week consists of only 7 days, of which 5 are spent at work, 1 on tuition and 4 evenings with my gf. Nothing much is left for my personal space.

I need more time. How do I find more of such time? Some people are loaded with cash, with not enough pockets to store them. I am loaded with tasks, with not enough time to work on them. Regardless of whether I find enough time or not, I must not give up. Only a positive attitude will see me through.