How perfect is LOVE?

There is an increasing trend on the number of singles today. The trend persists even after goverment efforts to promote love through organisations such as SDU and SDS and festivals such as Romancing Singapore. The question here is why many Singaporeans fail to heed the goverment's call. One could think of many possible reasons, amongst which (i) we are too choosy, (ii) we want to wait for Mr/Miss Right, (iii) there is a long list of criteria that the partner must fulfil. Are we a nation full of singles because we are taking a long time to find that perfect one?

If we were to analyse the other side of the coin, we see an increasing trend of divorce rates too. The thought that marriage would translate to a happy couple-life has gone so wrong. Why so? A couple of reasons could be (i) we hope to change the bad habits that our partner has, and (ii) we start to hate our partners' pecularities that we used to like. Are we trying too hard to make our partners the ideal Mr Right?

I choose to think that love is a special power that only the greatest can possess. Love is about accepting your partner's flaws and tolerating his/her nonsense. If she can discovering that snoring is cute and he likes to hear her nagging, that is what I called LOVE. Therefore, not many people can display love. For love is unearthing how perfect your partner can be.

Love is not about finding the perfect one, nor is it about perfecting the one you found. It is about finding your imperfect one perfect.

Where are the goals?

I have been leading a fulfiling life, making myself busy with appointments and living life to the fullest. But I have this incomplete feeling in me. As I look ahead, I realise I am in need of targets to challenge myself.

Maybe all I need is to sit down in a quiet corner, away from the eyes of strangers. A place where I could just stare into the blank spaces and ask the worth of my existence. Where can I find a place?

Life is just like a soccer match. The match is won when one manage to score the goals. Life is just the same. Victory is achieved only when one achieves his goals.

The Feeling of Volunteering

For the past week, there was a resurgence of a feeling - that I would like to participate in a overseas volunteer trip. I used to think of that. I wished that I could go overseas to a third world country, as part of a bigger group to help the poor out there. This feeling re-appeared strongly - maybe it's time for me to realise this long-lost wish.

I asked myself why I want to do such an overseas trip and here are my reasons:

1. I love traveling & this is a good way of exploring sights I could have never done on my own.

2. I want to help the poor. Assisting them could take the form of building a road, fundraising or teaching them English. In whatever ways I could contribute, this would bring a smile to my face as I would have known that I have contributed to make the world a better place.

3. I want to learn life's valuable lessons. Staying in one's comfort zone will get me nowhere. Only walking the road less traveled would I learn that even life's basic needs, such as water and food, must be treasured and appreciated.

4. I love children and I love to watch them grow. What better way is there if I could teach these appreciative kids and know that they will put the new-found knowledge to good use.

5. I want to see myself grow. Growth is one of my personal values. The best way to grow in a fun way is to challenge myself in a new environment.

6. I want to live my life. I told myself that I have a choice - to live my life or regret. I chose the former. Years down the road, I want to look back and tell myself that I have treasured each day. My children will come to me and say, 'Dad, tell us another of your stories'.

For the past week, I discovered why I want to volunteer. Do I have to know how to do it? I realise I don't have to figure it out, because the strength in my new-found passion will lead me the way.

My body is crumbling

Today, I worked hard at all. It wasn't my most productive day, However, considering that I wasn't in my peak form, it was commendable that I gave it all I have.

I was down with fever and cough last week. I have been suffering from sleepless nights. My cough was so bad that I was coughing persistently as I watched Angels & Demons. I felt a sense of helplessness. Random thoughts of 'escapism' filled my head as I wondered about the possibility of applying for no-pay leave. Dreams of getting myself away onto a beautiful beach resort keeps me apart for the harsh reality. What is my body and heart alluding to? Is my mind losing the fight? Or does it not understand what my heart wants?

For the past week, my crumbling body has been hinting to my mind. Are these hints or is my body weak?

Get the hint from Angels & Demons?

In the movie Angels and Demons, Tom Hanks acted as a world-renownedHarvard symbologist. He was asked by the Vatican City to help solve the Illuminati's threat, save the four preferratti and save the City from being destroyed. To do that, he had to unravel the symbols of ancient Churches, de-code the hidden meanings of the Illuminati message and be sensitive to clues that could be useful in saving the city or the next preferrati to be killed.

Indeed he was a smart and intellectual person. Asking the question upon us, how sensitive are we to details? When life drops you a clue, would U be able to pick up the clue & understand what it meant? When you fall and slip, would U take the hint and tell your body to take a break so that it could recuperate? When you fail, would U take the hint and learn from your failures so that it will not repeat? When your plans are foiled, would U take the hint and learn that something is amiss?

How often do we keep a lookout for these 'symbols'? Or have we been trained to be deaf and blind?

Connected or in love?

I had an interesting coffee session cum dinner yesterday with a friend yesterday. It was engaging because we talked on a range of topics for 4 hours. It was inspiring because we shared on our dreams and our motivation in life. It was lovely because we are open with each other about our take on each and every issue.

The session was memorable. Was it because I feel connected? It came across as a rare chance that I could find a companion that my heart could open up to. Maybe the fact that we share common interest and even values in life make the session so lively.

Or was it something more on the way? Was there a feeling of 'love' in the air? Afterall, such relationships always start on the basis of character compatibility. I admire her, for she leads with her life with gusto. I like her, for the way she challenges the convention.

Connected or in love? Or maybe I am just feeling lonely. Perhaps I have too much time on my hands that I think too much...

100 posts & still going strong

I am so proud of myself. When I started this blog, I had never thought that I would blog so consistently. But I did.

It started off with a conscious effort. I had to log onto this 'journal' of mine. I had to brainstorm and re-collect my thoughts. I had to re-align my confused and random thoughts. Week after week, it had turned into a habit to blog. My blog was my diary, where I sit down and reflect on the happenings of life.

I like this feeling about blogging. It had turned into a routine with a meaningful objective. For others, the objective could have been to update friends about their activities. For me, the objective is to re-cap and reflect about major thoughts that struck me. Only through such a process did I feel that I have led a more purpose-filled life.

Is this what they call ENLIGHTENMENT?

Many things can lead to nothing

There are so many things I wish to accomplish real now. Amongst the list of tasks are:
- clearing my work and projects
- reviewing my goals for 2009 and 2010
- creating my vision for Toastmasters club
- understanding my fellow toastmasters' needs
- planning for Toastmasters' retreat
- going to Europe (Copenhagen, Zurich, etc)
- a holiday at Hanoi
- going to my dive at Redang
- catching up on my news
- reading my storybooks
- monitor my finances
- pack my room

The list just goes on. The longer the list, the more in despair I feel. It has reached the stage of doing nothing, but just slacking around. Indeed, having too many things to do can lead to doing nothing.

Maybe my body needs a break. Maybe it is a sign from above that I had to break to go the distance. Will the break do me good? Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Only time will tell. The question then will be -'Is it too late?'

A-B-Cs of Impromptu Speaking

Many people fear speaking on an unknown topic, but they might be not sure on what to say. However, in reality, there are many such occasions. We hear friends talking about Nambia, colleagues mentioning about Retirement or interviewers asking you about Global warming.

Allow me to share with you the A-B-Cs to get you started when you are given a topic to partake in:

1. Appease yourself - Pause & not rush into speaking.

We often panic when we are asked to speak. We fear that our audience would be anxiously waiting for us. But we fail to think which is worse - letting them wait for a while or opening their ears to a set of 'rubbish' & unconsolidated thoughts. If we can't do this 1st step of appeasing yourselves, then how would the audience even be pleased?

Tip: Repeat the topic in your head. By repeating it, your mind is focused on this topic. Deliberately pause for 10 seconds. As you pause, continue to breathe deeply.

2. Brainstorm for ideas

More often than not, we speak off the calf, in anticipation that thoughts will form as you speak. That is so wrong. For if you cannot form your thoughts whilst standing, what makes you think you can do it as you face the audience & handle the butterflies in your stomach? My advice would be to form 2 to 3 distinct points before you utter your first word. Some people can achieve 5 points when asked 'What are the attributes of a winner?' And when asked to elaborate, the points are 'perseverance', 'hard work', determination', never-say-die spirit' & 'trying one's best'. Indeed these are 5 points, but they belong to 1 main idea. Rather than worry about elaboration on a main idea, brainstorm for 2 to 3 main ideas. For e.g., I would be thinking 'commitment', 'planning ability' & 'never-say-die spirit'. What are your main ideas?

Tip: Form 2 to 3 distinct points about the topic. They form the content of your speech.

3. Conclude your speech

A mistake most people make is the failure to conclude. They forget that every speech needs a conclusion, regardless of whether it is 10 minutes or a minute. A conclusion is not for you to sound like a nag. It is there to tell your listeners that (a) this is your stand, with a summary of your main points, (b) you are going to end your speech, and (c) the relationship between your points & the title of the speech.

Tip: Don't just walk off the stage or end abruptly. The audience need a final statement from you so that they can appreciate your speech content with a sweet aftertaste.

Now that you have learnt these 3 tips, volunteer yourself at the next table topics session. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect.

Is it just petrol?

I pump petrol at either Caltex or Shell. I have no preference, because I have the respective kiosks' preferred credit card. That means I get discounts, which are increasingly meaningful in times of recession.

However, I haven't brought out my HSBC card for the past week. I then made a conscious decision to have my car filled at Shell, as I still had my UOB credit card. Whilst driving, I reminded myself twice again, as Shell was a tad further than Caltex.

But in a blink of an eye, I find myself standing in front of Shell's cashier, frantically trying to search for my HSBC credit card. What was I doing? Hadn't I just reminded myself? Are reminders not working, as I drove into the 'wrong' kiosk, told the attendant to fill it to the brim and only found out my mistake when I tried to make payment.

Today, I question myself for being distracted,

$2.90 was the extra amount I incurred.

Maybe I was tired or maybe I deserve to be fired.

What has happened to me, as I broke down in tears,

For if I continue living my life in fear,

Tomorrow, I could lose my life, a mistake too dear.

Will I be awake to discover what my heart adheres?

Why get married?

I was having a thought-provoking conversation with Sy yesterday. We talked on a range of topics, one of which was marriage. Why do people get married? Do they do so because they love each other? Do they get hitched because it is the next step after being in a bf-gf relationship for some time? Do they tie the knot because they see that the partner can fulfil their deficiencies?

Do people get married because of the right reasons? If their decision has been deemed right, who can explain the global phenomenon of the increasing divorce rate?

Singaporeans are brought up in a systematic manner. After completing primary school, the logical stop would have to be secondary school education. After which, junior colleges are the preferred choices so that one could end up with a degree. We apply this systematic approach in relationships. After a couple of years into a relationship, the next step would be registering for marriage, looking for houses and planning for a wedding. Add a couple of years more, and it is logical to expect kids. It seems like a A-B-C instructional manual for couples, but do we question the convention? Or are we just following the blind because other people do so?

We feel incomplete at times. It could range from a lack of security to being lonely or feeling hot-tempered. It is those times when one looks into a partner and gets into a relationship just to feel complete. But that is the not the right recipe of a lasting relationship. For getting it to last, one must feel at ease with oneself, accept who he or she really is, before getting into a relationship.

Today, I asked myself. Marriage is a lifetime deicision. It's not as simple as buying food or clothes. Yet how much time do we allocate to ponder on this big issue?