Am I my hero?

There's a hero, if you look into your heart, you don't have to be afraid of what you are. There's an answer, if you reach into your sould, and the sorrows you know will melt away...

And then the hero comes along, am I the hero with the strength to carry on?

I am. Or maybe I am not. I ask myself - there are so many things I want to do in life. Maybe I am just too greedy amidst this economic tsunami. To learn as many things as possible and to experience as many moments as I can. It is just too much in this current climate.

Maybe I am my hero. Maybe I might not have the strength to carry on. So what sort of hero is this? A hero without sufficient stamina or a weak hero to start off with? I might be my HERO. It has saved myself a victory. I looked ahead to see what's next for me to save. Amongst the ocean, I ask - what's my take?

The SUN

I took this picture of the sunset recently, when I was on a holiday. It was beautiful and romantic. That sunset made my day and even my week. Afterall, holidays always manage to take me away from the realism. It will then inject a new life of energy before I come back to fight realism once more.

This perfect sunset scene remain entrenched in my mind. It was scenic and away from the bustlings of the city. The sky was orangy-red and streaks of sunlight beam its way through the clouds. My heart slowed to a steady pace & I felt calm.

Holidays, like the one above, are great for me. I look forward to traveling. The thought of exploring new places rejuvenate me. It is just like the SUN of my life. Today, I recapped how wonderful my recent holiday has been. Today, I looked forward to a pleasant next one. Today, my SUN has come back.

D for ....

D for DOWN
The workload is increasing. I have been asked to assist in operations, when I have yet to complete my powerpoint slides, minutes, letters, etc. How can I ever complete my work? The workload can be described as a rising mountain that inches up everyday, making it harder to scale with each increasing day. I feel DOWN because I am trying my best and I can't see results.

D for DEMORALISED
Today, I got wind that a colleague of mine threw in the towel. I had an engaging one-to-one chat with him later in the evening. He poured his sorrows out to me. I understood him. I feel DEMORALISED because my work place used to be a fun and encouraging environment, but it is losing that appeal with a outflow of friends.

D for DROWNED
Monday - 0830 to 1100 hrs, Tue to Thurs - 1400 to 2230 hrs & Friday - 0830 to 1100 hrs. Saturday isn't much better. I worked last Saturday. I had to do the same this Saturday again. I feel DROWNED because I can't seem to swim myself out of this type of 'lifestyle'.

Memories Make a Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire is a movie about an eighteen year old Jamal Malik who has an amazing answering streak on the Indian version of the television game show, "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire". He's only one correct question away from the big prize. However, some, including those associated with the game show, question how someone like Jamal, a self confessed non-genius who grew up in the slums of Mumbai, can be doing so well on the show when others who are brighter, more educated and wealthier than him have failed. Is Jamal cheating? Is it purely luck that they have asked him the questions to which he knows the answers? Seeing Jamal's life journey to this point ultimately answers these questions. His life journey includes being orphaned at an early age; growing up with an older brother, Salim; and having a relationship since childhood with another orphaned child, a girl named Latika. His motivation for being on the show also may provide some answers to his success. Perhaps it was all just meant to be.

His memories brought him success. They enabled him to answer the questions needed to be a millionaire. How often has memories make us rich? Will I get a lots of wealth by having experiential learning since childhood?

Memories - though it has not given me 20 million rupees, it has enabled me to grow as an unqiue individual. Though I am poor in terms of my bank accounts, I am rich in terms of my surroundings and daily activities. Though memories has not made me a monetary millionaire, it has given me billionaire moments.

Take it S-L-O-W

I have so many tasks at hand. I have deadlines to meet. I have meetings to prepare for. All this has resulted in an increasingly stressed me. I looked at my rising workload and asked 'will this ever end'?

Maybe it will. Maybe I should not be rushing through all this. Maybe I can do it if I do things 1 at a time - the S-L-O-W way. I figured out a solution. I find a way out for myself - to focus on 1 matter at any 1 point in time. Combining my abilities to priortise and perfect the tasks, taking it S-L-O-W could be the only way out.

S-L-O-W is the way forward. As I struggle to churn out this perfect solution, will time and tide wait for me? Or maybe I should go back to my routine of fighting each day?

Lost and Entangled

I had this disturbing thought in my mind for a long time. But I dare not confront it for the fear of facing the blunt and brutal truth. That I have been getting LOST.

I had been lost for the past 3 months. This feeling deepens. It now has a stranglehold onto me. I am lost because I became more distant with my bigger picture in life. I am lost because I am too busy to think. I am lost because I am contented with what I am doing now.

Family, friends, relationships, toastmasters, work, play, holidays - all these have kept me busy. So busy that I am entangled in my daily activities to reflect on my goals in life. I have a direction. I need to to get down to it. But first and foremost, can I free myself from the spiderweb of daily errands? Or am I getting more entangled as I struggle to break free?

Watch a movie?

My hobbies include watching movies. Movies are great past times which brings me into a different world. It broadens my horizon and yet manages to engages my mind. I would blog after every movie. Each show has allowed me to sit down and ponder. Maybe that is what I called a value-for-money movie.

Recently, I watched Watchmen. It turned out otherwise. It was boring and long. There was no plot, only rapidly switching scenes that kept me confused. The result - I walked out of the theatrette.

Today, I learnt a lesson. I should always read up about the movie before watching it. Not every movie will be a worthwhile one. Watch a movie? Yes, but I would be asking 'watch what movie'.

Not excited for my holiday

I am going for my overseas holiday. I had this planned long ago. Afterall, I foresee that I need a break & the air tickets were cheap then. A 5 day trip away from home, cheap accommodation, value-for-money accommodation. It sounds too good a deal.

But this is the 1st time I am not excited for my holiday trip. I feel as if my mind is bogged down by work. I look at my list of tasks to be done, but I worry about the ability to finish them when I return from my holiday. I worked overtime relentlessly almost everyday. Yesterday I only left office at 11.40pm.

The holiday will do me good in recharging me, but firstly, I must learn to detach myself away from work. The thoughts of this holiday has dampened me. I can only hope that the afterthoughts of this holiday will lighten my mood.

PRIDE will give us the LIGHT

It was an afternoon meeting with our boss. Once again, the tone before the meeting was serious. It's never a laughing matter when it comes to such discussions, let alone one that talks about managing our divisional cost.

Amidst the tension in the air, our boss gave words of inspiration. He talked about the need to stand by our PRIDE.

When he mentioned pride, he clarified, 'It's not about being proud or stuck-up, it's about having passion for our job'. Our division has suffered a drop in revenue in the midst of revenue. Our profits are on the decline. We have made drastic decisions to stay in the black. And he re-iterated to all - that we must do what we can to earn our own salary, we must not let our divisions 'feed' us; only then are we able to keep our heads held high.

I was inspired by his speech. Recent times hasn't been easy for all. His words gave purpose to my reason in the company. It is our PRIDE that will make us FIGHT, it is our PRIDE that will give us the LIGHT, it is our PRIDE that will lead us with MIGHT.

I'm just not that into you

From 'Sex and the City' comes another movie of the same genre - 'He's just not that into you'. I watched it, though it's targeted at the female community. It helped, because it gave me an insight into the minds of ladies and allow me to agree wholeheartedly with the movie.

There are many times when I am not interested in ladies. It's obvious - I don't do a follow-up date; no phone calls; late replies; acts busy. It could be a character mismatch or maybe the time is not right. But I don't have to spell out the reason, I only need to bring about my actions (or the lack of it).

Many ladies are just clueless. They could be waiting aimlessly for my call, wishing for a treat or whining for some tender loving care. But don't they get it - a guy will do everything if he wants to impress a lady. If he doesn't, he's just not that into you.

A few ladies are just persistent. One called me repeatedly every few days, another wants to go out with me every other week, yet another sms me on a regular basis. Maybe they need to watch this movie.

I'm single. I'm enjoying my bachelorhood. To ladies out there, I'm just not that into you...