Canon in D

I used this song, Canon in D major by Michael Allen Harrison, as my blog's song. The more I listen to it, the more comfortable I feel. Maybe it is a song that suits my spirit now.

The calm effect it has, makes me think - maybe I just prefer to be alone, doing the things I want in life. I don't need a partner, like what I used to think. I don't need to a companion, to share my joy and woes. I don't need a wife, to talk to and listen to.

Indeed, thinking it through, this has been the longest time I have been single ever since I got into the dating scene. There are ladies chasing me, girls interested in me and chio bus that I get in touch with. But it stops there.

I just want to be myself and be by myself.

YES is the new NO

I watched YES MAN the movie which stars Jim Carrey as Carl Allen. Carl is a guy whose life is going nowhere. His operative word is “no”—until he signs up for a self-help program based on one simple covenant: say yes to everything… and anything. Unleashing the power of “YES” begins to transform Carl’s life in amazing and unexpected ways, getting him promoted at work and opening the door to a new romance.

This movie got me thinking in 2 aspects:
(i) You say NO to life and therefore you are not living. Everytime when opportunity presents itself, you would say - YES. How many times had I cho0se not to live?

(ii) Yes is a positive re-inforcement to the things in life. I remember the times when I would initiate that with my subordinates every morning. At the start of each day and the word of any positive news, I would motivate them with a shout of a 1, 2, 3, oohhhh YES!

YES was in my life. I just need to find it back.

What are resolutions?

A New Year's Resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. We make resolutions at the start of each year. 2009 is within sight - hence, the time has come for us to make our New Year's resolutions.

However, before I start making mine, it's only right that I review my performance for the past year.

Oh shit! What performance! I have misplaced that piece of paper containing my resolutions, not monitored my goals and probably not achieved anything significant to boast about.

Should I make my New Year Resolutions? Should I resolved to do better than last year? Should I try to be more productive this year? I should.

On hindsight, I should not. Afterall, I always make such statements every year. Resolutions means repeated solutions. Maybe I should just repeat last year's goals.

Jolted by Bolt

Yesterday, I watched 'BOLT - the Super Dog'. It was an animated film about a dog who believes he has super powers to fight the evil, but wakes up to face the reality when he was accidentally shipped to New York City.

In his mission to get back to Hollywood, he realised that he no longer possess super powers. He was no longer SUPER. As he was about to give up, Rhino the hamster gave him a pep-talk. He said, everyone needs a hero - someone they can look up to, someone who can fight the evil and save the world, someone who can make a difference. Bolt is Rhino's (and the rest of the audience's) hero.

Who is my hero? Maybe I lost my hero. Maybe my hero is dead. Maybe I don't have a hero. Today, I realise I need a hero, or else my life will be a big zero. What a jolt that was from Bolt.

The only certainty in life

Today, our SVP requested all of us to come in for an urgent announcement. He then announced that he had just received a call from Ho Chi Minh City. One of our managers was having a holiday there. He suffered a heart attack this morning and passed away.

There was dead silence the moment the news was announced. All of us were surprised and saddened by the news. Afterall, he was healthy all this while. He wasn't even in his 50's and played badminton on a regular basis. No one would have expected this to happen.

I have barely known him for 2 months. But my eyes teared uncontrollably. Afterall, he was a prominent figure in the division, known for his affectionate laughter and his ability to rapport with everyone.

I ask myself - life is so short. Death can occur anytime. As the saying goes, the only certainty in life is death, the question is not whether U will die, but when you will. No one can answer that question - and today's incident just re-inforced that point.

Running in a state of despair

I ran the Standard Chartered Marathon - the whole of 42.195km. It's my 3rd time running it. Having went through the experience before, I thought I would know how to survive the race this time round. But it wasn't meant to be.

I ran well for the 1st 2 hours, before I hit the 'wall'. My legs started giving way, my thighs started cramping and I started walking. From my initial target of completion time of 5 hrs, I had it changed to 7hr 30min. I figured that if I walked the remaining part of my race, that should do the trick. My final result - 6 hrs.

The point here - my mind was playing tricks on me. The pain got to my head. I succumbed to pressure and allowed the environment and my body to lead me. Where are my goals in life? Am I so lost that I have no motivation to give my best for the race? Am I a person who only have big dreams, but no follow-ups to fulfil those thoughts?