Starting onto a new road

Today, my friend called me. We had a chat. He heard about the news - I have tendered my resignation. He was surprised - any one would be. He was one I can confide in; he was one who is a step ahead of me. He tendered his last year.

Leaving a job is never easy, especially the first one. I had been in it for 5 years. This job is comfortable, yet challenging; regulated yet enriching. I have learnt lots thus far. But I have to move on. I ain't getting any younger.

But the qn is what do I want to do in life. I have yet to figure that out. All I know is that I've decided to leave my current road and embark onto a new road - one that isn't even paved. I guess this is the start. In me lies my courage. Hopefully, this will give me insight into what I will expect in time to come.

Believe in the stars

I used to be sceptical about horoscope signs. But I still read them to keep myself in the fantasy realm. Today, I reflected on the truth in my the zodiac signs.

My star, the Libra, read like this 2 weeks ago:
Your mood is lower than you like,thanks to some wierd emotional energy that feels like a weight on your shoulders. There's good news though - when it lifts, you will feel totally renewed.

The prediction has much truth in it. I was gloomy and down. Things weren't quite right. There were a number of factors that led to this and other mood depressions that I can't account for. But today, I feel much better. The storm has passed. I took that in my stride. In addition to motivating my team this morning, I'm feeling the enthusiam that will last me the weeks ahead.

Reflection

Today, I met up with my mentor, Dr Y. It wasn't a planned meet-up. He called me 10 mins prior to meeting, saying that he like to collect some things from me. We ended up talking for a good 40 mins.

Today, I learnt 2 points:
(i) I must clearly define what I do not like in my current job so that I can narrow down on my job search. I should never waste time repeating old mistakes in a new job. (Of course, I must also know what I want in my next job)

(ii) Don't leave my job because I hate the current job. While to some extent, that might be true. However, in reality, I should condition my mind that career transition is about finding dreams/challenges that the new job can fulfil, not getting disappointed & frustrated over the current job.

There is no bottom to the pit

It's a bottomless pit.

I feel myself falling again. Just when I thought that the I had reached my lowest point, I was wrong. There can never be such a point. Maybe it's a spiral downwards. Good news might come in pairs, but bad news come by the herd.

I haven't had good days at work. I talked to my bosses about leaving my job. I have been pressured at work. I've been working 12 hours these few days. I recieved rejection for my job interview. I haven't had a good sleep for the past week. And today, I broke up with my girlfriend.

I don't know what's next. How much more optimistic can I be in life, when things are turning bleak? Will the storm be over? Or is this the start of more torrendous rain I have to weather?

How low can I get?

It was a low point for me today. I feel lost. Very lost in my sense of direction. The feeling of being alone and desperation has creeped up onto me. I even teared and shivered as I thought about it. I can't help, but despair.

I used to be able to put these feelings aside, as I press on and carry out my tasks in a robot-like manner. Today, I no longer could.

My life is getter nowhere. I asked myself why. I realised that it is because
(i) I have not set down and work towards the life-long goals that I would want to accomplish,
(ii) I have allowed people to control certain aspects of my life and work, and
(iii) I am currently doing things that I no longer enjoy doing.

I used to enjoy going to work everyday. Today, I no longer do. It has come to a point where I have to drag myself to work.

I have to do something to my life. A boss mentioned before that if personal values do not match that of the organisation, then the person should leave. There is no need to hold the person back.

With that said, all I need now is to firm up my release date and leave with a high.

When looks are a weighty issue

I read a commentary in the newspaper on this issue above. It striked me hard and got me to reflect. I'm spending less time with my gf. Yes, I had been busy, but I realise that I did not make as much efforts as b4. I asked myself why.

That article gave me the answer. My gf has put on several pounds as compared to a year ago. And recently, she had a serious pimple outbreak. Who wouldn't want a slim and pretty gf? I guess it doesn't motivate me to go out as much as before.

Afterall, guys are creatures with basic instinct. In those primitive days, the best and strong guys get to choose the prettiest ladies for mating. As the saying goes, the fittest survive. Guys have since then, been taught to choose the finest quality to continue their offspring. I can't blame my instinct, but yet, I can't control my gf's life. So what can I do?