Friendship amongst the Warlords?

On Christmas eve, I watched the movie "The Warlords" with my gf. It was an intense action thriller, set in the mid-19th century, one of the darkest period of Chinese history. The movie was about three men who became blood brothers and swear to be true to each other, despite all the political upheavals and unrest around them. But it was not to be.

Power and obsession came into way. Does 'power' make people corrupt? Doesn't one's integrity remain intact, regardless of the circumstances? I do hope I have strong ethics and morals. But I haven't been walked the rope yet. Even in today's context, those who have reached there, fall from the top like a big flop. A look at TT Durai, Richard Yong & all the accounting scandals leads me to question our morals.

Who are we? Does power define who we are? While that gives the confidence of a strong command, one must note that it is still the character that will define your oneself that one should never lose.

Friendship - do I value them? Yes, I do. But with no wars to forge them closer and new friends to see me through, how long can these ties last? Only time can tell.

GOAL! So, what's the score?

Today, I just chatted with Melissa, my new-found friend. One topic talked about was on goals. I felt inspired whilst talking to her, because she mentioned that she set annual goals, do mid-year reviews and carry out adjustments. That's a rare breed of people around.

Bringing myself back to childhood, I remember the times when I wrote NEW YEAR resolutions and they sounded more like Santa Claus wishlist instead. Life has since moved on.

I know I can go on to achive great things in life. I just need personal and valuable goals that drive me there. Only when I have established & defined my goals, then will I find myself working towards it.

Am I prepared?

Today, I delivered my Project 8 speech in Toastmasters. My speech was on how to become a better speaker. One of the points I shared was to be PREPARED. One must be prepared - know the audience, write your speech objective and rehearse.

How prepared am I in toastmasters? Reflecting back in life, how ready am I to take on everyday challenges? I thought about it and realise that I wasn't. I have just let my days slip by, fighting off my work assignments and appointments.

I sank into the chair. I should do something about my life. Rather than let my weeks get washed away, I should set and accomplish my weekly objectives. From today onwards, let me take control of my life and lead a more purposefully life.

Ocean Thirteen

I recently watched Ocean Thirteen. It was a fantastic show, packed with thrill, action, hunks and high-technological stuff. Those who watch, can and will say the same about it too.

A thought lingered in my mind - how 11 friends are so united, even though they are continents apart. They come together to help one of them out. How many of us have close friends? How many of us will go all out to risk their lives for their friends? Will you stop work for comradeship?

Loaded

I feel loaded. When people say that, you might be led to think that he/she is rich and has too much $$ to spend. However, to your disappointment, I am loaded with too many tasks. Burden sucht that I do not know where to begin. It will probably take 3 nights to clear them all.

There are toastmasters, MBA assignments, work & projects on hand. In addition, I have to give tuition on Sunday. Plus the 'maintenance' time I spend with my gf. Time never seems enough. A week consists of only 7 days, of which 5 are spent at work, 1 on tuition and 4 evenings with my gf. Nothing much is left for my personal space.

I need more time. How do I find more of such time? Some people are loaded with cash, with not enough pockets to store them. I am loaded with tasks, with not enough time to work on them. Regardless of whether I find enough time or not, I must not give up. Only a positive attitude will see me through.

Mars understanding Venus

Everything seems to be going fine. It was a perfect sunny afternoon with my gf. That was until dinner time. I really dun understand my gf. Or is it just that girls are incomprehensible?

I was questioned on a history question of who bought the soft toy monkey and why it was in my old car. Oh my gosh, I thought - that toy has already entered the dustbin 2 years ago. History was dug out from the grave for no apparent reason. I entered into an interrogation zone, w/o knowing what crime I committed.

My gf over-ordered for the 5 of us. I wanted to stop her, but I din want to be sound a cold bucket of water, so I mentioned just once. Thank God the waiter forgot our order, for all of us were full. We thanked her for the dinner, but my gf seems unhappy. She wanted us to eat 'forgotten' porridge, say the food was fabulous and get some durians on top of a bloated stomach.

I feel lost. Is my gf insecure? The soft toy was history. The food wasn't fabulous, but it was no fault of hers. I had enough of ramblings today. I wondered. Is it her fault or is it a family habit? I couldn't have been me.

Adding on to my PAIN

I just met with a car accident. I initiated the accident. Oh manz. What was I thinking of?

It was a Fri evening at 7.10 pm. I guess it must have been the whole week that drained me out. After a 52-hour week, my mind and body were too tired for anything that requires too much concentration. Plus the sad fact that I was the last to leave office. And why must the CTE be packed with cars and make driving such so undesirable?

I was so angry with myself. But anger has found its way of dissipating away. Only the scars of my damaged car and higher insurance premiums linger.

My car is now in PAIN. How many more types of PAIN can there be?

IN PAIN - which part?

I went for dental yesterday. My dentist painted me the sad news which I din want to face. My gaps have widened and I need a longer time before I can remove the braces. I smiled back in agony, how can that be true?

She tried to tell me that age is not on my side. I am old. My teeth are rigid. On top of that, they tend to remember their 'old' position. She then adds that to minimise that, I will have to wear the braces for up to 3 years to maintain the 'new' position!

How can I smile anymore?

I grimaced as she changed my wire module to a thicker one. To my horror, the pain starts only hours later when I can't even bite off a prawn and have ulcers forming.

I am in PAIN. Is it just my teeth or are my mind and heart too hurt by my latest dental news?

Where is my dragon?

Recently, I watched the movie "Eragon" VCD. It was shown on the silver screens last Dec. But reviews were doing bad, so I saved the $$ & gave that a miss. Watching it on VCD justifies my earlier decision made, as it wasn't fantastic with unfancied special effects.

The movie was based on the best-selling novel by Christopher Paolini. The storyline starts off with Eragon finding a polished blue stone in the forest and thinks it's the lucky discovery of a poor farm boy. But when the stone turns out to be an egg from which a baby dragon is hatched, Eragon realizes he has stumbled upon a legacy nearly as old as the Empire itself. Overnight he is thrust into a perilous new world of destiny, magic, and power. Eragon and the fledgling dragon navigate the dangerous terrain and dark enemies of an Empire ruled by a king whose evil knows no bounds. The fate of the Empire rest in his hands. as he fought and triumphed against his enemies.

The movie got me thinking - "where is my dragon?" Eragon found a blue stone (which turns out to be a dragon's egg). From a farm boy, he became a nation's hero. From a poor chap, he became endowed with armour and horses. From a nobody, he became a dragon rider.

Where is MY dragon? When can I find a dragon that I can ride on? What am I supposed to do to get all this?

I want to rise and find the magic within myself. Can I?

Am I the SUN?

Just a week ago, I watched the DVD "Tears of the Sun" starring Bruce Willis. I wouldn't want to recommend you unless you believe in patriotism or love the art of war. But this movie got me thinking about values and purpose.

Bruce's character was a "D" in DISC. Being dominant and yet respectful, he is able to get results with his team whenever he carries out a mission. His task was to rescue Dr Lena. However, he was not able to get her out as she refuses to evacuate. Her value then was to protect the 70+ refugees. Time and time again, he has to change strategies so as to get his mission done. 1st, the hard way doesn't work. Next, he tried to align with her value and trick the refugees into the illusion of them being resecued too. He then had to strategise on how to save their lives when their plan went all wrong.

His strategic intent (vision) has never changed, i.e. to get her out. In the process, he might have to bend rules and re-align to the new conditions. However, his core competencies kept him going. They were: patriotism, courage, leadership and compassion. Do I have these values? Am I a level 5 leader?

My MBA Dream

I always thought of doing my MBA. It was my dream since 4 years ago, even when I was an undergraduate. I built castles in the air, on how I will get that title whilst being in NTU. I then started work and with that financial power, I researched on all the possible schools that offered MBA. It was only now that I put plans in action.

I have just embarked on my 1st module. I could have started in January, but my work schedule was packed then. Somehow, I turned out to be a wise move, as that Jan module was a 'killer' for most, let alone someone who have no business or accounting background.

Today is the 4th continuous day of lessons of my MBA. Hectic, yet enjoyable. I start to see my dream being fulfilled. I loved my MBA for the following reasons:
1. It will help me gain valuable knowledge and wisdom.
2. It will leverage me in getting an advantage for my next job.
3. I want to go UK, or even Europe, using Uni Of Nottingham o/s study module.
4. I get to network with all people & form close friends from all works of life.

I look fwd to my next lesson of MBA. The love for my dream will drive me through.

Separated by silence

Silence can do wonders. Sometimes, the act of inactivity can kill. And today, I realise the power of SILENCE.

My gf and I have been on cold war recently. I have not taken the initiative to meet or call her. Neither has she called or sms me back. We have not really met up for 6 days already. It wasn't long ago that we were meeting up every alternative day. What happened?

That say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Not true. Silence is the equivalent of total absence. It makes the heart grow weaker in faith. My faith has decreased by the day. My yearn for my gf has dropped.

I fear getting into another quarrel with her. I fear bringing her to the wrong places. Any place, like IKEA, can be a wrong place. I fear my phone being questioned. I fear her random questions on her being the prettiest girl in the Earth. My fear has turned into avoidance.

How long will the avoidance be? Will it be a waiting game?

Judging People

Today, I was invited to be a judge at an Area Toastmasters Contest. An 'Area' consists of 4 toastmasters club. And today, they have put forth their best men to compete on stage in front of me and my fellow panel of judges.

I feel like a sniper. Putting up a false front and an attentive expression. Just that I have to pull the trigger and give a score at the end of each session. Each day, we are judging people, just that today, I am consciously going through the process.

You blink and I'll shoot.

The dream of a BREAK

Some people talk about their dream break. For me, I just dream of a break. I guess life has been taking a toll on me. I wonder if it has been work, my girlfriend or just the way I add pressure to my life. It doesn't matter. What matters is an outlet to vent it all out.


I vent it out by wanting a holiday out of Singapore. Some scenery and breathtaking shots to take me a new HIGH. I dun need cigarettes or drugs. Neither do I need tonnes of sleep or clubbing away. But can I get even get a BREAK?

I just dun seem to be able to get one.

I dun have a partner. My girlfriend doesn't want to go. I went for a holiday with my family in Oct last year. My sis just changed her job and can't take leave. My friends turned down my offer to coincide their leave with mine.

I want to take a break. But I do not know how to. My moods have been down because there's nothing to look forward to. I realise that I would always be in a much better mood if I have a holiday planned well ahead. It's like a goal to work towards to. It's like putting your efforts with a reward awaiting you.

I guess I just have to plan for one. Either I go by myself or I join some random trip and make new friends. The latter seems a good choice. Wish me success in doing it.

The pursuit of happyness

The pursuit of happyness. The pursuit of happyness?

Should it be a statement of a question? I am not sure of it myself. Yesterday, I went to the Vivo GV to watch "The Pursuit of Happyness". Many has said that that it was a inspiring story. And after I watched it, I chose to agree with that stand.

After the movie, I was posed with the question - WHY is HAPPYNESS spelt with a 'Y' and not a 'I'? Here was the answer: When Will Smith visited his son's school and noticed the wrong spelling of "Pursuit of Happyness" in the Declaration of Independence poster made by the kids, he immediately told the teacher. The teacher responded - the most important thing is the real happiness students feel while creating the poster, never mind the spelling. And that inspired Will Smith's to pursue happiness.

I was thinking about it. Happyness is not a END state. It is not a poster (or a painting) that gives you happiness. It is the process of making the poster; it is the journey of doing the right thing. I realise that it will be progressive realisation of one's valuable goals that leads to happiness.

Where is my happyness? Do I even have a dream to start off with? So that I could relentlessly chase my dream? Do I?

Jealousy

My girlfriend seems to get jealous easily. She gets jealous over many thingsz she see. "Do you think that I am pretty or the picture of this book is pretty", she asks. " Who is cuter - me or Fann Wong?" I was cornered and in such cases, there is only 1 right answer.

Recently, I had another one. She complains that I still had that cushion made and sewn by my ex. First, she had complained that it was on my bed. Ok, I got the point and shifted it to the 2nd highest section of my cabinet. She then asked, why did I keep it? I answered, "It's functional." It went on a point when she boiled her jealously out in public, demanding that I threw the cushion away and she wanted to buy one for me right on the spot in IKEA. She was clearly disturbed. On the other hand, I felt exasperated. If you are buying for me out of jealousy, would that have rationalise the buy? Afterall, the truth lies that that IKEA cushion was not comfy and I could "smell" that she wanted to spite me.

I felt stifled. I felt trapped. Now, I felt as if every place could be a wrong place to bring her, for questions she asked, had to fill up her lack of security.

2 days ago, I highlighted to her that my Samsung phone can't do a "Copy All" function of names and contacts from the phone to the SIM card. She demanded that it can be done. Come on, she has never used a Samsung phone her life. What does she know? I had been playing with the phone and I clearly know that I had to transfer contact one by one. She demanded that it can be done and wanted me to pass the phone over to her. I refused, stating all the reasons. Did I "smell" jealousy in checking onto me again? She even cried. What the heck.